So, I'm moving this blog to myspace, where I'll be able to update it easier and more often. So long, Livejournal, and thanks for all the fish!

My MySpace Can Be Found Here

Hola all,

Much to say, but gonna have to say it later... Sawyer is screaming and I have to go play daddy for a while. However, I just wanted to share my new headshot w/ you all.



I'll try to update tomorrow. The road is coming up, dates galore to post.

J

Ya'll, please go to http://characters.usanetwork.com/portal/characters/4333.html and vote for "My Character". That is all... for now!

Hola all! Been a very good couple of weeks. Picked up a few last minute gigs, one that got me to work a weekend w/ Sue Murphy, which was a blast because she's pretty big, and I dug working w/ her. Any chance I get to work at Pepperbellys, though, is okay by me. It's my "home" club, and even after all the road work I've done, it remains my favorite. I have a very interesting March coming up as well, with several private shows I'm looking forward to. I'm sure I'll throw in a weekend or two elsewhere, so check my show dates soon.

So, Howard Stern is having a film festival for short films regarding his show. Being the fan that I am, (very little makes me laugh these days, other than Howard, "Cheaters", and stomping my brothers ass in Halo 2), I sat down to write a script. I am, after all, some kind of award winning writer! Several other comics in the Sacramento area and a few independent film people are going shoot it over the course of the next week. I'm pretty proud of it. Well, as proud as anyone can be of a 7 page script... I mean, it's for the Howard Stern show, so, I'm the first person to admit it's no "Brokeback Mountain". SPEAKING of which, how many fucking parody names do we need for that movie? Every single late night comedy show I've seen has offered an option; "Bareback Mountmen", "Blueballs Mountain", etc etc etc. I get it, they're cowboys who blow each other... enough! More on this as it progresses!

Parenthood is amazing! For years I've been looking to test myself by seeing just how long I can go without sleeping, and now my dream has become a reality. There's really nothing better than waking up every 3 hours. Better yet, I get to wake up to poop. POOP! Lucky, lucky me. In addition, my 29 year streak is over, it came to an end 2 weeks ago. I was able to hold out 29 years from ever having been peed on. I had a good run. In all honesty, though, it's been great. Sawyer is just about the most amazing to ever happen to me, (behind my wife and my Xbox 360). I look forward to waking up every 3 hours just to see him.... okay, even I have to call bullshit on that! Still, he's great!

Anyway, here's a pic I thought was amusing. Ya got to sleep when the opportunity presents itself!


So, post done. More to come... soon enough

This is what 2am looks like through the eyes of a new father... Click Here (Quicktime required)

They start so young these days...

Hola all,

Jimmy here. Let me just start by saying I have never been more exhausted in my life than I am right now, (and I've had more than my share of multi-day benders and 48 hour Xbox marathons). Sawyer James Turner was born Monday morning at 7:52am. He was 9 pounds 7 ounces, and was born via C-Section. My wife was incredible during the whole thing, and even though it was my responsibility to make her feel comfortable and safe, she went out of her way to make me feel better more than the other way around. Our son was born with respiratory problems and was placed in the ICU, where he stayed until this morning, (which means that's where I'VE been as well). He was born with excessive fluid in his lungs and placed on ventilators, respirators, vegimatics, and any other piece of equipment they had laying around. Seeing your child, something you love so instantly and unconditionally, looking like a crew member of a Borg cube, (BAM, HITTIN' YA WITH THE NERDIEST OF REFERENCES!), can break your heart so much that you feel as if you've run a marathon, stopped, and made with more of the running. So.... the gists? I've been scared, sad, and feeling ever so unfunny.... until today!

He's HOME, HEALTHY, and LOVED! So, friends, haters, fans, and comrades, allow me to introduce to you:
SAWYER JAMES TURNER







We're in love with that guy. Big time love.

On the topic of comedy, added a few great shows, got a bunch more to add soon. Give me a little time to bong with baby... errr.... BOND with baby, (paging Dr. Freud), and we'll talk again.

Short and oh so sweet, Monday I become a father. We're (mostly my wife, though), having a C-Section on Monday to remove the 9 to 11 pound monstrosity growing inside her. Get ready, ya'll, Sawyer is coming! Update w/ obligatory pics later in the week.

Hola all. Well, much to tell. First, I know I've been negligent in posting fresh journal entries, (WAAAHHHH, JIMMY NO UPDATE, WAAAHHHH!), and I have a reason. My wonderful new Dell laptop went the way of Tookie Williams, meaning DOA. It took a while to move all my data and crap to my wife's laptop, but, it's done, so I'll be able to update with a bit more frequency.

"Holiday" was great, and I hope you all had a merry "Holiday" as well. Ended up scorin' an Xbox 360 from my family, and let me tell you, it's ALL it was cracked up to be. On "Holiday" morning, my eyes lit up like a meth addict with a box full of stolen vcr's at a pawn shop, (Jeez, that was a stretch!). Plugged into the Hi Def, (because, you know, that's how I roll), and I spilled a little seed into my Hanes. Man, did I just set myself up for a home invasion robbery or WHAT?

So, pregnancy is going AWESOME. It's really difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that in one month, I'll be a father. I mean, I know EVERYONE feels this way, but I HONESTLY feel like I'm 17 still, (excluding my penis, it still feels 11). But by the grace of God I found a woman who brings out the 30 year old in me, and has made it so that family and comedy can co-exist... in the same way that Jesus and Santa have seemed to work things out. I love my wife so much, (go ahead, gag!).

Had a really busy December working the road. I know how much you all LOVE pictures, so, here they come...


Yea though I drive through the valley of the shadow of death...


I wonder if they sell Karma Chameleons?


Who knew my car kept up with current events?


They're also experts at trimming bush!


Turns out, Columbus was WRONG!


Like every city, this is what Seattle looks like to a comic.

So, there you have it. OH, I'll be featuring tonight and tomorrow at the Fat Cat in Modesto. I love that club, and, tomorrow is the New Years Eve show, so, GET YOUR ASSES OUT AND SUPPORT! Either way, keep checking back, and, thanks for a great year. Your support really makes this whole crazy life easier, and I owe each and every one of you. Do me a solid, and have a great 2006!

Hola all! It's turkey time, and you know a fat man's all over that! We're having a couple friends over to feast, socialize, and get drunk on holiday wine, (wife excluded, she's the Designated Cooker). Getting ready to head back out on the road, 2 more weeks in the northwest. Check the calendar for the dates. In the meantime, have a great one. Eat till ya' puke, then go back for seconds... for, WE ARE AMERICANS, and eating till our insides are squeezed in so tight that blood and gravy ooze from every opening in our bodies is our GOD GIVEN RIGHT... it's like the 6th or 7th amendment. Don't bother looking it up, I'd never lie to you!